Naomi Richards - Kids Coach Expert

Naomi provides life coaching for children as young as six years old. She works predominantly with children who are going though family difficulties including parent separation who need an outlet to voice their thoughts and anxieties. The other common issues she works with children on are around self-esteem, confidence, communication and co-operation, challenging negative thoughts and beliefs, friendships and school issues. Naomi runs a private practice, writes for several websites and local newspapers and she runs training and workshops for charities and individuals on a variety of subjects.

Question
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Q. Hi my 5 year old son was introduced to a new man in my ex-partners life before we had even split. He has met him just the once and my ex has only known him for four months. This is a big worry for me as my
son broke a promise of a secret by telling me that he and mummy had a new friend who might one day be his new daddy. My son told me that mummy would be cross for letting out this secret. How can he make sense of this? And how can I protect my son?
A. Your son obviously thought that he should tell you for whatever reason. Maybe he is worried about this new man taking your place, fantasising that he will have a 'new dad' or maybe he just did not think twice about telling you. You don't say if he was overjoyed or upset. What exactly was he told by mum - did she tell him that this may be his new daddy or that
it is something he thought up himself. You need to get clarification of this from mum. Then you can speak to your son about it once you know the 'truth' and find out what he feels about this man and mum. Give him the reassurance that he or anyone else is never going to replace you and explain to him that mum and dad may have 'friends' in the future because
they sometimes get lonely. If he is overjoyed then be happy for him and just explain simply that not all friends get married.

I think it is up to mum to protect him from the situation. If you can discuss what he told you with her then she can work out how it is best
approached. Mum, if understanding, will want to help your child through his anxieties (if they are) regardless of it being a secret or not. You may find
that situation is not the same as how your son sees it. Good luck with it all. Naomi

Q. I didn't know there was such a thing as kids coaches? Can you help me please? My daughter (I'm a single Mum with just the one child)is bright. And lazy. Her teachers have (always) told me that she has an amazing brain for "getting stuff" at the first time of asking, butit almost seems she can't be bothered in class. Do you have any tips for motivating people like my daughter to make use of the skills she has. She is 12 now, and her school report at the end of last term was not that good if I'm honest. Thanks N
A. Yes there is such a thing as Kids Coaches although not very many of us in the UK. From the first read of your problem it seems that your daughter feels that because she knows the subject in the classroom she does not have to work hard. Maybe someone has told her that she grasps topics easily and has taken this to mean she does not have to put the work in or maybe the people she is sitting with 'can't be bothered'. Is she easily distracted?

Regarding motivation, the school should be looking at ways of motivating and keeping her attention in the classroom. At home can I suggest you talk to her about school and how she feels she is doing. Pick up on her response and get her to justify in words why she thinks she is doing well/not so good.
Look at ways together of how she thinks she can improve in her schoolwork.
She may need your help in coming up with ideas. What is going to motivate her - would a reward system work for her. If so, what kind. Perhaps a good report would mean she gets to go bowling or to the cinema with a friend or given money towards something she wants to buy. Let her decide then she will be more motivated to work smarter. Good luck. Naomi.
Q. My child thinks that it is their fault that we have split up – how do I convince them it wasn’t?
A. Explain to your child that it is not their fault and that mum and dad have realised that they cannot live with each other anymore so they are going to live apart. Tell them that by separating and living in different places their relationship will not change with either parent but each parent will be happier.

Explain to them that no matter how badly behaved they have been recently it would never have been a factor in the marriage breakdown. The split is not a punishment for them in any way - it was going to happen at some stage in the future and you have both decided that now is the best time.